Wednesday, 24 September 2014

24th September- A Returning, Life Lately and Romance

Wow, this is kind of awkward and perhaps for the first time in about 200 blog posts, a slight bit intimidating... Somehow after regularly posting my thoughts, musings and quite often, moanings and commenting under my friends posts who'd do the same (often with a lot less moaning) I ended up taking what I'd call a huge hiatus from blogging with my last post coming in right at the end of 2013, over nine months ago.

I'm not too sure what it was that took me away from blogging but perhaps quite honestly it was a loss in passion. I stopped caring about writing posts because I didn't feel like I was writing about anything different and exclusively just commented on other people's posts instead but at one point I ended up missing a few days and faced with a big backlog of comments I ultimately just left it and never came back. While I've missed blogging and I've missed the wonderful people that I met online here ultimately it was finding a Facebook message from the beautiful Mich who was checking up on me to see if I was alright that brought me back to making this post today. It's warming to see that people have spent their time coming back to check up on me, including Tracy, a lovely lady who I wish all the best to and hope things are going well for herself and I can't thank everybody enough for caring about me enough to keep me in their thoughts. Of course anybody who wants to keep regular contact with me can still contact me over on my Twitter account @Heathyheath_ and I'm proud to say a few people already do :)

Anyway to keep this succinct and not ramble about myself too much, life lately has been extremely kind and generous to me which is a nice change after years of, without too much moaning, pain. Things haven't changed a massive amount in my situation, I'm still working at the same sports shop, I'm still living at home, and I'm still not ready to make the leap back into full time education but one thing that has changed is that I'm content. I'm able to feel like I've not been dealt the best deck of cards yet at the same time like I've learned how to play better with them and make the most of it and things genuinely are looking up again.

Another reason behind my recent happiness is that I've fallen in love with one of the most amazing and special human beings I have ever met in my life and perhaps surprisingly (read, DEFINITELY surprisingly) she's also fallen in love with me too. Feeling what I'd call proper love for the first time is a tricky one to describe but I can genuinely say that in this calendar year already I have smiled at least ten times more genuine smiles than I did in 2013 and it really is all down to this girl, a beautiful 21 year old, animal and photography loving free spirit who makes me feel more alive and happy than I ever possibly thought another human being could make me feel. We've been together for just two and a half months but we've been friends for years and in April time this friendship quickly became quite apparently something else which eventually became too difficult for either of us to hide.

Perfectly coinciding with my finding of Mich's message we actually took some photographs with each other on Saturday which I'm pleased to share with all of you

As you can see from the photographs Sarah is beautiful and I can honestly say that the only thing I know more beautiful is the human being that she is deep inside. I don't want to go on about this kind of thing too but but this lady makes me happy and I'm proud of her.

But yeah, an awful way to start any sentence but yeah, I don't want to write out too long a post right now because since I'm off today I'd like the chance to visit a few blogs and catch up on some of you, I hope that you've all been well and I want you to know that I do miss you even though I'm not around any more. I can never thank any of you enough, especially the likes of Jenny, Mich, Robyn, Doll or Al for everything they've ever done for me and no matter what I've never forgotten and never will forget all of that, stay sunny guys.


Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Hey guys, I really don't have very long so this is going to be a short one. Things have been inconsistent in life and recently I haven't even had the time to do blog comments which I hate. I miss reading wonderful things from amazing friends like Al (although the gent is still around to make laugh when I'm feeling down on Twitter), Pat, Mark, the Beer For A Shower guys, Dainty Doll, Miss Meadows, Mich and so many others but I just haven't had the time and the mental energy and I'm sorry for that, I truly am. I'm just, I guess I'm just struggling at the minute but I'm going in the right direction.

Anyway I really hope that you all, all the people who read my blog on here and who care about me, have an extremely Merry Christmas filled with love, joy, family and whatever you guys want the big man Santa to get you. I love you all and if I don't get on until next year I hope that you all have a safe and fun time over the holidays, Happy Holidays guys!

To be close to phrasing Slade, It's (Almost) Christttmasssssssssss!


Monday, 18 November 2013

18th November 2013- They Might Be Giants, Gigs and Happiness

Hey everybody, long time no write. I feel like slowly in time I'm going to be beginning to sort of adapt back into a regular writing schedule because while things are busy they seem to be on the mend. My vertigo like symptoms are still plaguing me and I'm still waiting for blood test results to come back but for now I'm a little better than I've been in the last few months and hopefully that will continue for a long time to come. The last blood test results that I got back showed that I severely lacked in white blood cells at the moment and that was the only concerning thing that they flagged up so to me that fact means that it might be the explanation for why I seem to catch every single disease that's on the go and possibly why I've been so ill recently.

I decided to hold fire on doing anything to improve my white blood cells or immune system until I got back the results of my second blood test. To be honest I know how this sounds but I really didn't want to make myself temporarily better, like if the doctor seen a spike in white blood cells in the second test that only happened because I started improving my diet then I could be covering up a bigger problem and leaving it untreated so for now I'm staying away from vitamins or fruits until I'm sure that the white blood cell problem isn't caused by something that's far worse.

I had a really busy yet enjoyable weekend over the last few days. With work being so busy (I'm essentially running the store some days) I haven't had many nights out recently but somehow this weekend I had three nights out! I went out on Friday to an old school friend's flat and other old school friends came and it was the first time I'd seen them all in ages. While I did smoke a few cigarettes and had a couple of glasses of warm port I didn't drink too heavily because on Saturday I had work then it was time to head out to the beer tent at the continental market in Belfast on its opening night with some other friends. We had a lot of fun even though I only tried strawberry beer since they'd ran out of so many other various flavours and even though it was a bit packed, to be honest with you next time I think it'd be better to go to the beer tent on a night where it wasn't crowded and it was more easy to move around in because the market is amazing and so much effort has been put in, I'd just like to go and be able to move freely a little more!

While my Friday and Saturday nights out were both good nights they paled in comparison to the night out I had last night where at long last I finally got to see one of my favourite bands of all time, They Might Be Giants perform in the Limelight in Belfast. Long term followers might know already that I have a strong love for They Might Be Giants because I've blogged about them in the past, mainly during my early blogging days. They're a really difficult band to describe to be honest with you because they have a distinctive sound that I don't think anybody else can play close to. They've had a career spanning over 30 years and have made 16 albums including four separate albums that made exclusively children's music and I adore how quirky and happy their music is. They Might Be Giants were a constant during my tramadol addiction and when I had bad withdrawal days I used to spend hours listening to them and they would cheer me up a little and made it easier to deal with but because aside from the 1991 single Birdhouse In Your Soul they never achieved widespread international fame, I never thought I'd get to see them live so when they announced their first ever European tour I jumped at the chance to go and see them perform.

They Might Be Giants didn't disappoint when it came to the performance either. From the minute that they came onto stage the place started rocking and I literally had a big grin stuck to my face for the entire gig as I seriously started to rock out and just had an absolute blast. The two Johns were charming, witty and hilarious from the get go, you could tell that they were having as much fun with their performances as we all were watching them and the show honestly had everything, from the crowd being split into two groups, one group chanting "people" when one half of the band played music and the other half chanting "apes" when the other half played music, to a really slowed down and special performance of Istanbul, to the two Johns retreating behind the drum kit and pretending to be a pair of sock puppets, I don't know if my friend had ever been to such a weird gig before and I definitely hadn't. They played pretty much all the songs that I wanted to hear and even did two encores after the crowd just didn't want them to leave and I left smiling.

To leave smiling was such an incredible feeling. So much has made me unhappy recently, I've been having a really difficult time of things so to be able to just enjoy this gig for over two hours and be genuinely happy for once was a huge deal to me, I didn't want it to end. Lots of people like films, television shows and music because they are good escapes from reality and sometimes I don't get that but last night I really did and it made me just realise how beautiful life can be when you can be having such a hard time and still have moments that fill you with such joy. But yeah I'd better go here guys, I just had to come on here and tell you how much of a blast that I had last night because it really was fun, hopefully I'll be back to write again sooner rather than later!


Friday, 25 October 2013

Still Hanging In There

It's been a long while since I posted, it's been too long since I've posted in fact and that's been for a couple of very good reasons. I'm still not one hundred percent ready to write yet, it may take quite a long while in fact to be honest with you but I'm posting here so that you all know that I am okay and that I miss writing.

I still try to comment on as many blogs as possible, I actually believe there's certain blogs I haven't missed a comment under since I stopped writing my own posts. I've always outright admitted that I view commenting under my favourite blogs as being more important than writing my own blog posts and that hasn't changed one bit although like I say I do miss writing.

The main reason behind my lack of writing is that I've been very very ill recently. I can't really elaborate further than that because quite frankly I don't know what's wrong with me myself although a recent diagnosis put upon me after a less than ten minute long appointment was that I have vertigo. Whether that's true or not that it's vertigo, the fact that it's been completely ignored that I've got vertigo and been ill in so many different ways recently due to having an extremely weak immune system is what bothers me so I'm in a real fight to get well soon.

Work was busy for a while which of course factored into how little I've been able to write but for the last two or three weeks my work has been pretty minimal because I just haven't been well enough to go in. It's pretty worrying because we're opening up this temporary Christmas shop in a local shopping mall next week and there's lots of money to be earned from working there full time, if I can only get well enough. I hope all my readers are okay and are having a better time of it recently than I've had, I love you all.


Monday, 9 September 2013

9th September 2013- Break

I'd previously written a scathing and angry post scheduled for today but felt a lot of guilt for it so I've got nothing to write today. I just want to say that I've been going through a tough time recently, a really tough time. The battles with addiction, the times I've had my heart broken, the times I've quite plainly and simply died inside over and over again, the misery I feel, how some days I'm so depressed I can't get out of bed. All of that has caught up with me and I can't cope well any more to be honest. This blog is my blog and I have a right to have whatever opinion I want to have without feeling like I'm a bad person or nasty, or judgemental for having it, this blog is a place where I go that like I said in my two year anniversary post makes me feel happy and if I don't feel happy from doing it then maybe I've got to stop altogether. What I will say is that on Christmas in 2011 I was able to it at a dinner table that included my grandma and my brother. This Christmas two years on my grandmother is dead and my brother doesn't live at home any more. If I want to feel upset over that then that's my damn right.


Thursday, 5 September 2013

5th September 2013- Busiest Week, Brother's Birthday and Moving Out

Sorry that I've been poor with posting this week. I hate when I'm like that and always actively try to avoid it but things have been so busy for me that I just have struggled to keep on top for various reasons. To be honest the rest of this week I won't be posting, despite the majority of the school rush ending work has been busy this week and I've ended up working every single day this week apart from the upcoming Sunday which I'll thankfully get off because I could really do with a day off right about now.

Yesterday was supposed to be my day off but I got a phone call at 10:30 from my boss asking if I could come in at 11 instead which didn't annoy me much but still niggled at me a little to be honest. I'm glad to work but it can just be an inconvenience at times, as weird as it sounds it's important to me that I at blog at least three times a week and no matter what keep up to date with all the blogs that I follow. It's also top of my priorities to get at least three gym workouts in during a week so anything that impedes that really annoys me. Yesterday was my brother's birthday too and I needed to go out for his birthday dinner but obviously needed to gym it as well and although things worked out fine it still annoyed me that it slightly put my chances of getting to go to gym in jeopardy but it all worked out in the end and I managed to write this post so at least that's something I guess.

Physically I've been feeling tired and part of me wants things to slow down so I can just lie back and for once in the first time in what it seems ages, just take a deep breath and relax. I don't get moments like that very often which is a shame because I love them. The fact that working's keeping me busy is a good thing though, I'd rather be working than unemployed and I've got to keep that in mind. I'm basically guaranteed working at where I work for the rest of 2013 which is brilliant and I can never view that as a bad thing no matter how much I have to work, after all working 6 days a week is something loads of people do, I shouldn't be complaining.

Anyway as I said earlier yesterday was my brother's birthday, his 23rd to be precise and he seemed to have a good day. I got him a mug that came with those jelly beans he loves and a two player Wii game that he can play with his girlfriend and he seemed happy enough so things were good in that department. It sort of makes me baffled though that my brother who I remember being a young child and seeing enter secondary school, who I've been through so many things with at the age of 23. I also think that at the age of 23 it's a little disgraceful he's never worked a day of a proper job in his life. He's getting older now and yet he's still content to sit around and do nothing and views working as an inconvenience, he's got to wise up and grow up and start doing something with his life. It's not my role so I'd never say it to his face, only on here, but he needs to start looking for a job again and stop being so lazy.

His girlfriend and him are also thinking about both moving out and getting a flat together which I find interesting. To be honest ever since they started dating I've barely seen Andrew, he's just spent the majority of his time at her house even staying around the house while she's in work so it sort of feels like he's moved out already and I guess the next logical step would be getting a flat. The only thing is that he's not really the best person for adult things and while his girlfriend is a nice girl she isn't really so I'm not sure how either of them moving out in their current mindsets would go but if they're going to do it they're going to do it and I guess that I should just be glad that my brother's not going to end up living with his parents for the rest of his life which was always a fear of mine, now I should be directing that fear at myself.

It's just weird you know? All these years of growing up, of living life and finally things are changing, they've been changing for a long time and I just haven't realised but now my brother's 23 and set to move out and it's sort of woken me up a little. This is the natural progression of life but it's safe to say it's well and truly moving in full swing now and things are changing, things are becoming different, and part of me actually doesn't mind it!


Monday, 2 September 2013

2nd September 2013- Train Wreck, Vomiting and Saturday Night

As you can see from the title this post isn't going to be pleasant haha. On Saturday night we all made the decision that since we hadn't been out with each other in a good while, some friends far longer than others, that we were all going to go out together to Belfast on Saturday and get drunk and I'm not going to lie I was game for it. Work had been hellacious over the last 14 days, I'd been working flat out non stop and barely had any free time for myself, I hadn't seen some friends in ages like I say and most surprisingly I realised that I hadn't drank alcohol since the start of July which was almost 60 days ago. It was also the last day of the Summer essentially so with all those factors combined I thought it was only fair that I'd go on a night out where I'd drink a little and enjoy myself but I was wrong on so many different levels.

The night itself was good, don't get me wrong. I really liked seeing Darren, a friend of mine who I hadn't seen since before Summer really started, it was great hanging with Jamie since we've not been gyming it together for a while and it's always good to see Ryan, one of my closest friends that I've ever made in my life but as those of you who follow me on Twitter over at @heathyheath_ know it didn't take me very long to deviate from my plans of having a nice quiet night. Because everybody else was heading up a bit later on in the one car I decided to meet up with my old friend Darren in town first of all before getting our bus up to Belfast and after catching up with Darren it turned out that he had weed with him and we shared a joint and both got really high. By the time Ryan had climbed onto the bus I was bouncing and after about an hour or two of drinking I got really drunk which was fun at the time but made me sort of lose every ounce of what sense I had remaining.

By the end of the night it was apparent that since there was only five seats in Jamie's car, and since Darren just had to take a short fifteen minute walk back home it meant that Ryan and I were going to have to get a taxi but for some reason it took us a long time to order anything. I guess that Ryan and I just got sort of lost in the city you know? We walked around for hours on end just talking, occasionally going to get a coffee and chain smoking like we were 40 a day habitual smokers, which I might add effectively ruined my entire Summer spent not smoking as well. Eventually at four in the morning after several hours of good conversation we decided to order a taxi and that was where things really took a turn for the worst.

The taxi driver was an Asian man, from Pakistan or somewhere which I have no problem with in the slightest but it caused there to be a bit of a language barrier between us where he couldn't understand me and vice versa, he took fifteen pounds off me for petrol for the taxi promising to take it off the balance I owed him for the taxi, when he dropped Ryan off I had no idea how to direct him out of the housing estate Ryan lived in and we ended up driving around for a bit, then the road to my town was closed so I had to get him to use his satellite navigation system which he could have did in the first place to take us on this long and windy massive route to get into the town.

When we arrived in town too further disaster struck. My stomach, host to the dirty tar, nicotine and poisons from the cigarettes, countless coffees and a greasy donar kebab started giving me some serious bother. I had to take deep breaths in and out of my nose to keep myself stabilised but the pain in my gut didn't get any better and if anything intensified and I basically pleaded with the driver to stop the taxi before opening the door and then proceeding to throw up in the middle of the street! Fortunately since it was nearly five in the morning the street was absolutely dead and nobody but the taxi driver seen me throwing up. While wiping what was possibly tears from my eyes I told the taxi driver that I was going to just walk up from where we were to no real protest from him after just seeing what I did to the pavement and possibly fearing I'd do the same thing to the taxi. The taxi driver then proceeded to charge me the full 25 pounds fare, completely ignoring the 15 pounds I'd already given him for taxi, I opened my mouth to argue then after having enough for the night I just sighed, handed him his 25 pounds and trudged off into the night.

After walking all the way through town (in what I guess is traditionally called the "walk of shame") home it was around 6 o'clock when I finally made it home and crashed into bed. Man it was good to see old friends and it was interesting to actually be out and about but if this is the lifestyle people my age and younger live every weekend then I really am looking at the wrong kind of thing to spend my time doing haha, at least it makes for an interesting story though, even a disappointed, tired and physically wrecked Matthew can still admit to that.